Challenge 9: Build Accountability with Spiritual Friends by Asking/Answering Tough Questions
“If you want better answers, ask better questions (Joe Smith).”
We all wear masks. We have to. Just imagine what would happen if you showed up at the office with your true feelings displayed like a billboard for all to see. Normal human relations require that we put on make up, wear sunglasses, and pretend to be something that we're not.
But emotional health, personal holiness, and basic integrity will suffer if we do not find outlets to strip off false appearances and permit a trusted few to open the junk drawers of the heart. But how do we do this?
Joe Smith, Director of Strengthening the Church, has a saying that, if you want better answers, ask better questions. This is the key to deeper relationships with other Christians. If we want spiritual friendship we need to be willing to be spiritually transparent. We must have the courage both to ask and to answer questions that are hard enough to pry open the rusty hinges of our souls.
For this challenge, each week I will give you a different set of questions. My hope is that you will share them with a spouse, a friend, a mentor, or someone you are discipling. Find someone you trust and set a time to ask each other these questions. If no other options are available, these questions can be used by individuals for a time of quiet confession before God.
Week 33
Assignment: Use a Set of Questions Devised by Joe Smith
1 – How is your soul?
2 – How is your marriage?
3 – How is your margin? (are you keeping appropriate boundaries for work, family, etc.)
4 – How are your spiritual disciplines, especially prayer?
5 – How has Satan been attacking you successfully lately?
6 – How is your internet? (e.g. Are your eyes pure?)
7 – What has been giving you joy lately?
8 – What has been stealing your joy lately?
9 – How would your wife finish this sentence: ‘My husband would bless me if he would…’
10 – Who are you discipling?
ADDITIONAL COACHING
Week 34:
Use a Set of Questions Devised by John Wesley
John Wesley was a spiritual genius when it came to discipleship. He understood that different levels of friendship, trust, and accountability were required to keep Christians on the path to spiritual growth. At the very center of Wesley's method of discipleship was a network of 'bands' which were composed of 4-6 Christians who met weekly to share their deepest struggles. Each week these bands used five simple questions to crack open the hard, outer shell of the heart. Your assignment this week is to use these questions with a spiritual friend.
1. What known sins have you committed since our last meeting?
2. What temptations have you met with?
3. How were you delivered?
4. What have you thought, said, or done, of which you doubt whether it be sin or not? (This question may sound odd; however, sin is not always obvious. An example of this is watching television. What can or can't we watch? Often we need to have conversations with other Christians in order to figure out whether our lifestyles are compromised in unfelt ways.)
5. Have you nothing you desire to keep secret?
ADDITIONAL COACHING
Week 35
Assignment: Use a Set of Questions Devised by Chuck Swindoll
One often hears that spiritual leaders are held to a higher standard. This statement is false. In the New Testament there is one standard for all believers. The only difference between, for example, church elders and everyone else is that upholding the standard is a basic qualification for those in official leadership positions. Whereas a lapse of integrity does not disqualify an ordinary Christian from discipleship, a lapse could indeed keep him from office.
The point for us is that there are not two tiers among believers. Rather, all of us need to hold ourselves to a strict account. We need regularly to answer hard questions so that we can become aware of where and how we are succumbing to temptation. Whether pastors and elders or simple dads with day-jobs, we need to build accountability into our everyday lives.
In order to do this our assignment this week is to use a set of questions drafted by the renown Bible teacher Chuck Swindoll that he used to use with his church staff.
1. Have you been with a woman anywhere this past week that might be seen as compromising?
2. Have any of your financial dealings lacked integrity?
3. Have you exposed yourself to any sexually explicit material?
4. Have you spent adequate time in Bible study and prayer?
5. Have you given priority time to your family?
6. Have you fulfilled the mandates of your calling?
7. Have you just lied to me?
ADDITIONAL COACHING
Week 36
Assignment: Two Simple Questions
So far the questions we have used have been focused on morality, integrity, and avoiding sin. Yet, the Christian life involves more than keeping to a straight and narrow path. We worship a living God who calls us to courage, obedience, and faith. The questions this week do not test our sanctity so much as our submission. Are we willing to do whatever is asked of us by God? This is the heart of the matter this week.
1. What is God telling you to do?
2. What are you going to do about it?