Manhood Is Manliness under Control

Let’s talk manliness. Is it a virtue? Is it a vice? What is it? These are all questions that need answers. 

Modern culture has a tendency to corrupt the meaning of a useful concept and then to dispose of it. Manliness is a prime example of this. What used to be heralded generally as an important moral quality has in recent decades been vilified. This has had two consequences: one is that no one is certain now what manliness refers to, and the other is that we all feel as if the-unknown-thing-called-manliness is a source of perverse evil. 

It's time to correct our thinking. 

Defining Manliness 

My goal here is to describe the qualities that used to fit under the term “manliness”. I’m not at this point endorsing manliness or dismissing it. The sole objective is clarity. 

Manliness is a kind of assertiveness. David provides the classic instance. There are thousands of soldiers in Israel. They are in each case conspicuously aloof when a certain Philistine giant steps out onto the field. Unexpectedly, David raises his hand and does what no one else is willing to do. As everyone else studies his shoelaces, the boy-shepherd alone looks squarely into Goliath’s eyes. This is manliness. 

We see the same trait in Jonathan, David’s great friend. When all of the Israelite soldiers are discouraged and retreating, Jonathan has the brash idea to scale a ridge with his armor-bearer and ambush the Philistines. The deed looks reckless; in fact, it’s quintessentially manly. 

Now there are positives and negatives to manliness. On the positive side, manly men get things done; their confidence is contagious; they are willing to sacrifice hedonistic pleasure for higher ends; and they keep their bearing in the midst of emotional hurricanes. Pick any war movie and you will spot these traits in one outstanding lieutenant.

On the negative side, manliness is given to boasting; it is often over-confident; manly men are prone to want to be seen – and to be praised; they can be authoritarian; and the unchecked independence of manliness can torpedo the coordinated efforts of a team. Pick any Western movie and you will see a lot of these defects in at least one maladjusted cowboy. 

Now, the critical take away from this is that manliness is neither pure good nor pure evil. Rather, manliness is a potent form of strength - archetypical male strength - and, like any form of power, must be harnessed and directed in order to be a blessing, not a curse. 

Once we understand this, it raises a new question: what virtues are needed in order to sanctify manliness for the sake of the noble purposes? 

The Virtues that Baptize Manliness 

First, in order to avoid the liabilities of manliness, manly men need humility. For ever one laudable specimen of manliness (e.g. David and Jonathan) there are scores of reprehensible case studies. All one has to do is read a classic pre-Christian book like the Iliad and toxic masculinity will be evident on every page. One trait will be glaringly absent from all of the supposed heroes, humility. Each one will have the strength and passion of a hangry grizzly bear, but in most cases such confidence will be the cause of needless destruction and violent competitiveness. Men will boast in their deeds as if they were gods, and they will trample on as many innocent victims as needed in order to make sure that their names will be remembered around future campfires.

It should be obvious that this is not the attitude of a godly man. Christians do not admire the brashness and self-assertion that is epitomised in Satan. On the contrary, we worship the God who humiliated his strength to the point of hanging on the cross so that sinners could be redeemed.

The challenge of manliness, therefore, is to retain the impetus to act in the hour of need while removing the thorn of arrogant self-confidence. How is this done? Manly men need to remember a simple and universal truth: “without me you can do nothing” (Jn. 15:5). Like David, we must be fully aware that what gives us strength on the field of battle is not the muscle of Achilles or the wit of Odysseus. Instead, we profess with David: “This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand.” The strength and confidence of a godly man is not the muscle density of his physique, but the Savior who stands behind him.  

Second, to have godly manliness we need meekness. Now, meekness is almost as misunderstood today as is manliness. Most of us think of a meek person as being diffident, tender, timid, and nervous. The image that comes to mind is that of a docile lamb. 

Let’s delete all of this and start with a blank slate. 

The classic image of meekness is the bearing of a warhorse. Horses are renown for their ability to stay calm and be stout-hearted in the midst of cannon fire. Rather than losing control and fleeing danger, a warhorse is able to restrain passion for the sake of obedience (i.e. the command of the rider). 

This ability to check emotion for the sake of duty is the essence of meekness. As more than one person has said, meekness is having a sword but keeping it sheathed. 

It is precisely this mode of strength that Jesus summons us to display in the Sermon on the Mount. The idea of turning the cheek is not an act of weakness, but a demonstration of strength. We might say, in fact, that there is a virtuous way in which to resist aggression and a vicious way. To be struck in the face and yield due to fearfulness is not godliness. This is cowardice; God does not call men to be pushovers. 

In contrast, godliness is having the strength and passion to act, but choosing not to use such strength for anything destructive and self-centered. Jesus epitomizes such manliness. He goes to the cross not reluctantly as an impotent victim. The opposite is the case: on the cross he demonstrates boundless strength by choosing obedience instead of self-assertion. He perfectly models the Proverb, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (16:32). 

Anyone who has further questions about meekness should go and listen to Johnny Cash’s song, “The Reverend Mr. Black”. 

Finally, manly men need chastity. The pagan archetype of manliness is not just known for his prowess in battle; he’s also known for his sexual conquests. Too many manly men view the scorecard of their strength as the number of men they have humiliated and the number of women they have deflowered. May God judge severely all such evil men who betray the gift of strength for such vile purposes!

Godly men avoid these evils. They are not naïve; they know that the gift of testosterone is like fire, something potentially harnessed for powerful works, something potentially mishandled for ravaging destruction. And understanding this, they run hard after the virtue which orients sexual passion in the direction of holiness. This, of course, is what an older generation labelled “chastity”. 

It’s vital for men to know that chastity is more than self-restraint. As important as the handbrake of abstinence is, the man who merely abstains will never be truly pure. God has not given men sexual passion as a cruel form of torture. Rather, such desire is intended to be a renewable fuel that deepens the commitment and sacrifice of love. The chaste man is one who, once married, purifies his passion so that his strengthen can be harnessed for the making and sustaining of a godly marriage and, as God sees fit, a godly family. 

Appreciating this is a massive revolution in how we ought to think about manliness. In pagan literature, manly men demonstrate their glory away from home by bearing arms and engaging in conquests. Not so in the Old Testament. In the Bible, manly men exhibit their greatness by getting married, loving wives, and raising children in the doctrines and habits of walking with God. This does not mean that men will not be summoned on occasion to go out and face a giant. The world is still in need of courageous warriors who will face dragons when loved ones are under threat. Yet, on most days, the feats of manliness will look a lot more like washing the dishes to bless a tired wife than thrusting a sword in the face of a Philistine.

Manhood Requires Brotherhood

You are watching a classic Western movie. A lone cowboy rides into a dusty town. He has no backstory; he has no friends; he may not even have a last name. He appears, performs a manly feat (albeit reluctantly), and then rides off into the same solitary horizon from which he first emerged. 

A lot of men think of manhood according to this script. Men are self-begotten. We come into existence like Adam, alone. True men are those who wear isolation as comfortably as an old pair of jeans. They are, as the phrase goes, “self-made men.”

As common as this narrative is, it is a fiction, no more real than the stage name “John Wayne” (the actual name of the movie star was Marion Morrison – not nearly as heroic!). The truth is that no one can become a man by himself. This is not just true biologically; it’s true psychologically. Becoming a man requires being taught, inducted, and received by other men. This is a universal rule of human sociability. A man who is not affirmed in his masculinity by other men will always have a nagging insecurity. The question, “Am I really a man?” will be answered by the awkward silence: “How can I know?” Boys detached from other men do not march with the gusto of a fearless cowboy; they limp with the touchiness of a fatherless orphan.

Why do men need other voices to instil and affirm their identities?  There are two reasons. 

First, manhood is something that must be taught. To understand this point we need to erase the stark line so often drawn between “nature” and “nurture”. Human beings are a strange creature. Our development is nowhere near completed when we are cast out from the womb into the world. Much of what it means to be human – to speak, to stand upright, to live in a family, to hold a fork – is a product of education, not instinct. This fact is not accidental, but fundamental. God has designed us to be social animals. This means that nature and nurture are both part of one complimentary process, each playing a vital role in producing a morally competent person. 

We need to appreciate the implications of this for graduating as men. Over the last sixty years, a lot of “experts” have denied that manhood needs to be rooted in culture. They have dismissed all inherited forms of manhood as perverse “stereotypes”. In theory, this was supposed to liberate men so that they could choose a preferred existence like they might choose a pair of shoes. In fact, this has put men in an impossible position – one that might be likened to a third-grade student being sent to the library to educate himself. The only thing worse than having too many road signs is having none at all. This is the confusing position of modern men. When all traditional types of masculinity have been stripped and whitewashed, men are left in an illegible world. Rather than feeling free to do as they like, they feel utterly disoriented. In this sense, the sexual revolution has not just failed women; it has failed men. 

The reality is that boys need accumulated wisdom to teach them what it means to be a man. They need, in other words, to be enculturated.  Just as a child needs an adult to teach him how to cut meat, boys need men who can teach them the character and practices that make up their future calling. To expect boys to figure out on their own what it means to be a man is just as ludicrous as expecting them to figure out on their own how to solve differential equations. There is, in fact, no such thing as a self-made human being. Either boys will be taught by the good and wise, or they will be taught by YouTube and social media. The Lone Ranger is a myth; there are no individuals. We all copy the behaviour of someone else, for better or worse.  

Yet, there is a second reason why we need voices to affirm our identity. This reason is less cognitive than emotional – we might even say physical. Modern society underplays the importance of ceremony in our lives. We treat rituals and rites as if they are disposable wrappings. This is naïve. Ritual speaks to the body as words speak to the mind, and just as we have both minds and bodies, so we need both words and actions to affirm our existence as men.

Marriage provides a simple illustration of this need. Without marriage, a young man and woman cannot be sure where they stand in relation to each other. There is no bedrock to which they can anchor their feelings. A wedding ceremony fills up this space. There is a real sense that something happens in and through the marriage service. Prior to the formality, there are two individuals. It is only after the service is finished that the two are made one.  

Men need something similar to confirm their place among other men. More than words, they need action. They need a group of men to stand around them, perhaps even lay hands on them, and to pronounce, “Today you are one of us.” If this sound strange, the reason is because modern society is indeed strange. We have failed to do what just about ever other culture and tribe from around the world has done previously. We have abandoned all of the rites of passage that used to signal a moment of separation and initiation, a time when boyhood was left behind for something better and more permanent, namely, manhood. 

The honest truth is that it’s almost unbearable for men to live without such external validation. This is why men who are not welcomed into the ranks of strong and godly men will inevitably go looking for such brotherhood elsewhere. They may find it in a college fraternity, through CrossFit, in the army, or – if the pain is great enough – in a gang. But the principle “it is not good for man to be alone” applies more broadly than marriage. Men need men, and they will either find a circle of peers to affirm them, or they will be cursed to an existence not much better than that of Gollum in Lord of the Rings – friendless and therefore miserable. 

The main takeaway from all of this is that men are not born, but made. Both by training and by ritual boys need to guided and welcomed into a brotherhood of authentic, Biblical masculinity. 

Now, anyone agreeing with this conclusion will be left with two questions. The first is, how do you decipher between healthy cultural forms of manhood and “toxic” ones? The second is, how do you recover rituals after they have vanished from society? 

If these questions interest you, sign up for our newsletter and keep reading for future posts.

Masculinity Is a Journey

Masculinity is a gift; masculinity is a calling; masculinity is a journey. What is the difference? 

The “gift” emphasizes that we ought to feel amazement as we think about being made a man. There is an unmerited greatness that comes with the gift, and this ought to stir our hearts with a sense of gratitude. The “calling” highlights the inescapable responsibility that is attached to the gift. Men are not born for freedom, career, or fun; we are born for service. The height of our calling is the mature and responsible strength that ought to be the defining mark of fatherhood. The “journey” adds a sense of progression to the calling of a man. Men are not born; they are made. The fact that a male has reached the age of 20 does not make him a man – at least not an authentic one. Manhood is as much of an ideal as it is a fact. A quest must be undergone, even suffered. 

The aim of this article is to outline, in brief, the five stages that make up the “journey” of becoming a man. 

The first stage is boyhood. This is a time of exuberance, energy, wildness, and freedom. Boisterous play and loving discipline are the standard curriculum of these years. Much of the education is simply about inhabiting the world and learning what it means to have a father, a mother, a sibling, and a friend – and also what it means to be stung by a bee, scrape your knee, and fall off a bike.

The second stage occurs with puberty, usually around age 12 or 13. Almost universally, boys at this age have undergone a rite of passage to indicate a new location in life. In most cultures, this is a transition from spending the majority of time among women to being initiated and integrated in a community of men. Boys undergo a kind of graduation, even symbolic death. In tribes across the world, a boy ventures out into the wild to perform a feat. He comes back forever different. The boy is gone; a young man stands in his place.

With this change of status comes a change of curriculum. Free play and authoritative discipline give way to deliberate training and self-control. On the horizon are now the future responsibilities of being a husband, a father, and a member of the community. With these things in sight, youthful strength is not to be squandered by sowing wild oats or reenacting the folly of the Prodigal Son. Rather, the late teens and early 20s are a time for preparation. In the insightful tract, “Thoughts for Young Men”, J.C. Ryles says, “What young men will be, in all probability, depends on what they are now”. Youth, Ryle tells us, is the seedtime of full age. 

Now, there are two ways in which this second phase of a man’s life can be highjacked. One is a failure to detach sufficiently from a mom. Becoming a “momma’s boy” is a sign of disfigured development. Men that permit themselves to be trapped under the suffocating blanket of coddling love never attain the independence and strength needed to become future leaders. 

A second trap is graduating into a community of peers (i.e. teenagers) instead of a community of men. One of the strange features of modern life is that, instead of being integrated in an intergenerational fraternity of men, most adolescent boys spend all of their time in a silo of other youth. This can be morally stunting. Wisdom is not transmitted horizontally, but vertically. Boys who are not under mature men will not develop the character of mature men.  

The third stage in the journey is a man separating from his family to go and start a family of his own. Genesis 2 lays down the blueprint of this: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (2:24). Here we learn that manhood is oriented to marriage. Finding a wife is, for most men, is a critical aspect of self-fulfilment. As Genesis indicates, man was not made to be alone. His life is completed by finding a woman who is “bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh.”

Again, there are dangerous, counterfeit scripts for this phase of life that must be avoided. One is the failure to adult. A lot of men are brainwashed by pop culture to think that high school and college are the prime experiences of life. They are not. The glory of masculinity is not found in a bar on a Saturday night; it’s found at home with a wife. 

A connected danger is to refuse to leave home - at all. We live in a strange society where it is not abnormal for men to live in the basements of their parents throughout the duration of their 20s, even into their 30s. Home is feathered too comfortably to leave. Men tempted by such ease need to realise the following: prolonged adolescence is wasted existence. The virtual thrills of hourless gaming are an insubstantial dream. Men are called to go out and make a positive difference in the world, not to stay home and eat the leftovers of someone else’s refrigerator. 

Stage four of the journey begins when a man becomes a father. This, for many, will be the most challenging thing that they ever do. The assignment is nothing less than to introduce a new human being to God, the world, and the society of other people. The difficulty of the task is not weighed by sleepless nights or an ever-increasing food budget. It’s measured by the depth of the impression left by a father’s love on a child – a mark made by presence or by absence. On the one side, there is nothing more liberating to a child than to exist in the security of being loved well by a dad. On the other, there is nothing more debilitating than suffocating without such love. Father wounds are real, and each man needs to be brought to his knees as he ponders the impact of his care – or disregard – on the infant he will one day hold.

Here again we run into a specific danger to be noted. It is the risk of prioritising career above family. We live in a culture that measures self-worth by achievement. For a lot of men, this means that they find their significance through influence in the office, not at home. The Bible summons us to think differently. A godly family is of much greater heavenly worth than a successful career. God doesn’t tell us to go out and win the respect of colleagues and clients; he does tell dads to raise their children in “the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).

The final stage of the journey of manhood is becoming what the Bible sometimes refers to as an elder. Men need to recover the sense that there is honour attached to the latter years of life. Proverbs says, “Gray hair is a crown of glory” (16:31). This is true, but it comes with a caveat. Such a crown is not given by right; it must be earned. The glory of age is not the years counted, but the wisdom accumulated. This means that men must set their hearts to earn their age. Rather than the years 40, or 50, or 60, being a mere measure of time, they are should be viewed as benchmarks of character. As men look ahead to new decades, they need to ask a probing question, “Is my character worthy of the years that have been allotted?” Time cannot be redeemed, and men need to feel accountable, not just to fill their days, but to be full of wisdom.

If such character is attained, the greyer years can be golden years. Rather than wasting them on endless trips to the golf course or vain travels abroad, they can be used for something of eternal value: investing in the lives of future generations. In the end, a life lived well is a life lived sacrificially for others. Men who are true elders are those who transmit what they have learned through mentorship and discipleship.

There is no greater glory than for an old man to be surrounded by spiritual children and grandchildren. Such a legacy earns more than the praise of men; it is validated by the “well done” of Christ himself.

The Calling of Manhood

Let me encourage every young man to pick up an acorn and stare at it. Every seed is a miracle in a nutshell. Something that looks no more impressive than a pebble has the potential to become a giant tree. Take an acorn and hold it beside a mature oak. Strip away everything you know about the world and be amazed. Who would have thought that this could become a towering pillar with majestic arms sheltering the earth!

The point to glean is this: each boy is the seed of a man. Not enough men, young or old, stop to think about this. Modern culture tells us that boyhood is an end in itself. Life in its ideal state is extending the freedom, impulsiveness, and non-responsibility of childhood as long as possible. To have the license to act like a boy in the body of a man is the masculine dream – at least that is what we are told. In truth, this attitude is a reversal of the pattern of the Apostle Paul. Whereas Paul says, “When I became a man, I gave up childish ways”, the script of pop culture is the opposite: “Flee adulthood so that you can be a child forever.”

Now, let your mind go back to the acorn. How ridiculous would it be for a seed to refuse to grow into a tree! Which is greater, the acorn or the oak? Young men need to realise that the same logic holds for boyhood and manhood. Masculinity is not just a gift; it’s a calling. The great task of each boy is to grow from something small and insignificant into something great and influential. This truth ought to stir the heart of a boy each time he catches his reflection in a mirror. As many have said, the boy is the father of the man. Hidden in the husk of an unshaven face is the possibility of noble strength and manly virtue.   

But this begs a question. We all know what a grown tree is meant to look like. It’s clear enough in our minds that we can sketch the shape of one on a notepad. The same is not true of manhood. In fact, dare I say that the problem is not just that boys don’t know what mature masculinity looks like, men themselves are uncertain. On the one side, true masculinity is often mistaken for any number of cultural adaptations. To be a man in various settings equates with physical strength, or managerial skills, or hobbies like hunting and fishing, or the ability to fix engines and frame walls. In truth, such things are no more basic to the form of manhood than are birds’ nests to the form of a tree. True manhood is something deeper. 

On the other side, the last sixty years have been a prolonged effort to convince men that there is nothing distinctive about their existence. Countless voices have united to tell men that there is no more a single form of masculinity than there is a single form of a cloud. Thus, a lot of men now feel that to ask the question, “What is a man?” is, at best, to chase a red herring and, at worst, to commit a sin. 

Men young and old need to see that both sides are ditches to be avoided. The truth is that there is a genuine form of manhood just as there is a genuine form of an oak tree. If you know where to look, the silhouette of authentic masculinity is traced in the Bible. Most importantly, it is defined by four roles.

First, a young man is a future husband. I realise this may sound strange. A lot of contemporary men do not feel any urgency to think about marriage until well into their 20s, even 30s. Yet, this is the symptom of a pernicious culture. Part of the gift of masculinity is the gift of sexuality. At age 12 or 13, the body of a boy begins to change as he goes through puberty. This is not a mere fact of biology; it’s part of a spiritual design. At the outset of the Bible we are told, “A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”. This important verse tells us that human sexuality is oriented to marriage. Boys need to realise that God has given them sexual desires, not to gratify on a whim, nor to supress as evil, but rather to preserve and one day fulfil in the context of committed love. The growth of whiskers, the deepening of a voice, and the broadening of shoulders are all sign posts of a latent calling. A boy will not be a boy forever; one day he will be a husband, and already in the teenage years young men need to be walking a path that is headed toward the future gift of a wife. 

Second, a young man is a future father. Too many men see marriage as a means of self-fulfilment. We’ve lost the understanding that marriage, and sex, is largely for the sake of procreation and family. Here our culture has once again deceived us. Young men are taught that family is a kind of garnish to life. Fun, career, experience – these are the main courses to look out for. Having children is something like a desert. It can be added to life, or skipped, depending on appetite. 

The Bible has a different life plan for the vast majority of men. It is no exaggeration to say that fatherhood is the fulfilment of manhood. This does not mean that men who do not have children are not true men; it simply means that true men seek responsibility and exhibit the graces and virtues that are characteristic of fathers. 

Abraham is emblematic of this. Unlike the men of Egypt, Canaan, or Babylon, his masculinity was not oriented to wealth, building projects, military conquests, hunting, or sexual exploits. His covenant responsibility as a man was to obey God in the context of family. He was to take the things that God had revealed to him and transmit them to the next generation. Manhood aimed at fatherhood – this is God’s blueprint of masculinity. 

Third, a young man is a future profession. I realise the language here is awkward. Yet, I use the word deliberately. In the Bible, work is not something that we do simply to make money i.e. a “job”. Neither is it a means of success and achievement i.e. a “career”. Rather, work is part of the dignity of human life. In small ways, we are able to use our skills and gifting to contribute to the common good of society and, in doing so, give glory and honour to God.

I like the word “profession” because it is connected to the idea of professing to be something. Jesus, for example, was a carpenter. Part of the goodness of his life was developing the talents needed to serve God and his fellow human beings in the practices of cutting and fastening wood.

Young boys need to see themselves as growing into such meaningful labour. God didn’t set Adam in a playground and say, “Have fun!”; He put him in a garden and said, “Tend and keep”. Adam did not just have a job to get done; he had a calling to fulfil. Similarly, young men need to see their life as headed to a profession that will take up and use their talents for the sake of something bigger than the self.

Finally, a young man is, potentially, a future elder. Now, this will sound strange to some. A lot of Christians think of the church as nothing more than a social club. Yet, the Bible reveals that Jesus views the church as his bride. There is nothing in creation that he cares more about than the peculiar folk who gather on Sundays for worship. 

Men need to grasp the significance of Christ’s love for his people. There is no greater need in the Western world than for more men who have the character and wisdom needed to be spiritual shepherds. Thus, as boys look out to the future, besides hoping to be husbands, and fathers, and labourers, there is something else that should be visible on the horizon. They should aspire to grow into men who are worthy of holding offices within the church. To be a deacon, an elder, or a pastor, is no small position. In the kingdom of God, these roles hold more weight than do the job titles of “general”, “president”, or “CEO”. 

What is the calling of manhood? It’s really rather simple. As acorns grow into oaks, boys are meant to grow into husbands, fathers, workers, and – if by God’s grace they are able – shepherds of the church.

Masculinity is a Gift

“Glory of God is a man fully alive” (St. Athanasius)

I don’t know your name, but there is something I need to tell you. It’s a dangerous truth that must be handled with the care of a surgeon. Countless men have damaged their souls by neglecting this truth – or abusing it. Treat it like fire. Its potential usefulness is incalculable; it’s destructiveness, terrifying.

The truth is this: to be a man is a glorious gift. Rare is the voice in the modern world that will admit this. To many, masculinity is a cultural virus; the world would be a safer place if the concept were eradicated. To others, it is a source of embarrassment. Just as a lot of people in recent years have fidgeted when asked the question, “What is a “woman?”, they feel the same discomfort if asked, “What is a man?”. Fearful of hitting a political trip wire, a lot of us do all we can to sidestep the subject matter.

Thus, you’ve probably never heard what I’m about to tell you: Rather than being a mere fact of biology, or the excrement of culture, being a man is an awesome gift (in the old sense of awe-inducing). God has designed us to put something on display that no other creature can in quite the same way – not even a woman.

What is this? In a word, it’s masculinity. As strange as it may sound, God’s relationship to creation is not fundamentally feminine, but masculine. This means that to be a man is to find oneself in an alarmingly important role. We are to some extent mirrors of God. Our lives are supposed to illustrate something of what it means that a heavenly Father is tending the universe.

How should we think about this? Imagine that you are born a prince to the mightiest of kings. Now, do not picture yourself as a listless brat who is spoiled by pampering. Instead, think of a well-tutored son who has been educated and trained for public service. The king has tasked you to live in a foreign district and govern an area on his behalf. How would you feel if you inherited such a role? The more that you respected the character and majesty of your father, the king, the heavier the responsibility would weigh on your shoulders. You would not feel the luxury of living for amusement and self-indulgence. The reputation of the king would rise or fall based on your day-to-day choices.

Such is the high calling of men on earth. Although men and women share the privilege of being image-bearers of God, and although the dignity and worth of men is no more than that of women, still, there are differences between them. Paul highlights this in I Corinthians 11:7 when he refers to men as being “the image and glory of God” in a special sense. His point is that men have a function in God’s cosmos that is unique. We potentially make something of God legible that cannot be read elsewhere. The rule of the king ought to be seen in his princes.

Hence, the first truth that men need to awaken to regarding masculinity is this: it’s a serious thing to be born a man. The words of Jesus can be quoted here: “to whom much is given, much is expected” (Luke 12:48).

At this point I need to read the warning label that is attached to being a man. How easy it would be for a prince who has been granted an important charge to neglect his duty and to abuse his position? Jesus gives a parable about stewards getting drunk and physically beating those under them while the master of the house is away on business. All of us need to feel the risk of this temptation. History is littered with bad specimens of princes, kings, bosses, dads, husbands, and boyfriends who use their strength for evil. Generally, this is what our culture calls “toxic masculinity”. Such poison is a consequence of men corrupting the gift that God has given them. Instead of reflecting the tender love, inviolable purity, and egoless humility that is the heart of God, we disgrace Him by living out the opposite. And, as much as pop culture gets wrong about gender, it gets one thing right: there are few sins more destructive than manliness out of control.

Yet, in spite of the poor record of men, we cannot abandon our purpose. Men can no more cancel their calling than they can sever themselves from their bodies. Like it or not, politically correct or not, men are uniquely responsible before God. We have the enormous task of replicating on earth a Fatherly love that is the very essence of what it means to be masculine.

So, how will we be protected from abusing such a grand, but dangerous gift? Two things need to be said.

First, authentic masculinity begins with humility. Humility is the way in which we locate the soul. If pride is looking down at others from a high perch, humility is looking up at God from valley of total dependency. The more we measure our position in relation to the exalted status of God, the more autonomy will give way to accountability. Rather than feel puffed up with a sense of authority, we feel the weight of duty. The greater the gift, the heavier the load. Men need to feel the burden of their masculinity if it is to be released for the good of others.

Second, godliness is the necessary path for growing into authentic manhood. One of the most basic rules of theology is that you can only know the self by knowing God, and you can only know God by knowing the self. This is true in a special way when we are thinking of masculinity. If it is true that men are meant to be a reflection of certain features of God, then we can only know what we ought to be by studying the Original. To look anywhere else, including cultural traditions, will only result in a caricature.

Not much can be said here regarding the character of God. I’ll limit myself to one comment. The God of the Bible is the complete opposite of every pagan conception of divinity. Men need to appreciate this because pagan deities are more or less giant inflatables of toxic masculinity. They are celestial projections of manhood gone awry.

The Bible offers a unique profile of the strength that is the referent of the word “God”. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob – the God who comes as Jesus and gives his life on the cross for sinners – is the perfect pattern of Fatherly love. He alone communicates the ideal of masculinity. Therefore, if we want to be authentic men, there is one thing we must prioritise above all else. We must pursue godliness. It is only as we are lovers of God that we will learn what it means to love those under our care.

A Few Highlights from 2023

We’re reflecting back on God’s grace in 2023. Here’s a few things we’re particularly grateful for….

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Scotland Conference

We gathered more than 60 men from across Scotland for 3 days of training and encouragement. We helped guys learn the importance of exercising yourself in godliness (1 Timothy 4:7). This was the first of what we hope to be an annual event.

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Northshore Training

We hosted an event in Covington to help promote Joe’s newest book, Hymn Workouts, and provide training on spiritual mindedness. In 2024 we hope to release a new spiritual fitness challenge utilizing the content from Hymn Workouts.

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Retreat for Leaders

We gathered church leaders in Scotland for a 3 day men’s retreat. The mission of the weekend was personal renewal through spiritual meditation, prayer, rest, and friendship. We will offer this retreat again in April of 2024.

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Group Discipleship

We continued leading and equipping groups of men hungry for discipleship. We used our spiritual fitness programs to disciple men in churches, coffee shops, homes, and even around some firepits.

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Resourcing Ordinary Christian Men

We produced dozens of resources to help men get on a path of growth. Our books, podcasts, videos and newsletters are proving to be a valuable asset for men who are stuck under low ceilings of spiritual growth.

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Help us continue to make an impact next year…

Does the Incarnation Really Matter?

We all know that we are supposed to be amazed by the incarnation. We reverently listen to Christmas messages and use pious language about the marvel and beauty of the child in the manger. However, if we are honest, a lot of us struggle get much spiritual benefit from thinking about the incarnation. We are more mystified by the story of Christmas than amazed by it. We readily understand the need for Jesus to live a perfect life, for him to die on the cross, and for him to resurrect; however, the relevance of the incarnation is more difficult for us to determine. The proof of this is seen in two ways: first, in just how little we talk about the incarnation at any time other than Christmas and, second, the slight influence that the incarnation has in shaping our everyday devotional lives.

Now, if you (like me) have often struggled to discern the spiritual relevance of the incarnation, here are some ideas to ponder over the advent season.

1 – The Incarnation Reveals the Dignity of Human Nature

God could not take the form of a tiger, a mole, or an eagle and reveal His glory. There is something incompatible about the nature of a mere animal and the nature of God. Animals lack the freedom, will, intellect, and ability to love which are necessary to reflect the personal nature of God.

The incarnation highlights for us that, when the Bible says we are made in the image of God, it really means what it says. Our nature, as shocking as it may sound, is able to bear something of the weight of God. God is able to take the form of a man because man is able, by design, to reflect the life of God. Marilynne Robinson, the great Christian novelist, captures this point when she says, “Jesus is the profoundest praise of humankind the cosmos could utter” – or, as one old Puritan put the matter, Jesus is the “flower” of our nature.

2 – The Incarnation Measures the Immeasurable Love of God

Pagan religion could not conceive of a true incarnation. The Greeks may have told stories of Zeus taking on an avatar in order to enjoy an evening of pleasure, but they never made the mistake of imagining that Zeus would inseparably unite his nature with the nature of a human being. No god, the Greeks would have thought, would love human beings enough to become one of them in suffering, in pain, and in death.

The marvel of the incarnation is that the eternal Son of God assumed the form of a man in order to rescue us from sin, suffering, and death. In order to do so, he became a sin offering, suffered in our stead, and – did not just die – but experienced the worst of all possible deaths. Such heavenly love exceeds anything human beings could have imagined or hoped for. Thomas Watson was right when he said, ‘Christ incarnate is nothing other than love covered with flesh’.

3 – The Incarnation Illumines the Sacredness of the Cross  

If Jesus is not God, the cross is unspectacular. Thousands of men and women have been executed throughout history. If Jesus is simply a martyr, he is forgettable.

But Jesus is God, a fact that changes everything. His blood is not just the blood of an innocent man, but the blood of God enfleshed as a man. Appreciating this ought to make us shudder as we reflect on the weightiness of the cross. John Donne says,

Yet dare I’almost be glad, I do not see

That spectacle of too much weight for mee.

Who sees Gods face, that is selfe life, must dye;

What a death were it then to see God dye?

Looking at the cross, we should be dumbstruck as we ask one question: why? Why would God do this?

The more we appreciate the incarnation, the more we will marvel at the cross. To see God in Christ is to see the glory of Calvary.

4 – The Incarnation Makes Sense of the Resurrection 

Christians sometimes overestimate the intellectual scandal of the resurrection. If Jesus is simply a man, then the idea of him being resurrected is shocking. Human beings are mortal. We expect them to die and to stay dead.

Yet, Jesus is 100% God as well as 100% man, and God is not mortal, but immortal. Thus, whereas we might expect death to have power over a mere human being, we should not expect death to have power over Jesus. How could the Son of God die and not resurrect? This is the real question we should be asking. Death is not stronger than God; death has no claim over holiness.

That the Son of God could die is a paradox; that the Son of God would resurrect after death is no more surprising than the sun bursting through the curtain of night.  

5 – The Incarnation Reveals the Essence of Spirituality

In the person of Christ we see humanity yielding itself completely to divinity. Jesus is perfectly righteous because his will is submitted completely to the love of the Father. 

Herein lies the essence of all true spirituality. Our greatest fulfilment does not come by resisting God or trying to become God, but by yielding ourselves completely to God. Although we cannot replicate the unique person of Christ, we can learn from him what it means to be truly human. I am most myself when I am most yielded to God. This is the existential truth of the incarnation.

5 Ways to Honor Jesus as King

We might think that, because we live in a land where there is a royal family, we already know what it is to relate to a king. Yet, the truth is that kingship in the Bible is a very different thing from kingship in the modern west. When we talk about Jesus as ascending the heavenly throne, we are describing a position of power, authority, and responsibility that is without comparison to any contemporary political or royal office. Jesus is not just a king. He is the king of kings and lord of lords. He is the God-man who does not just rule over a nation – or even an empire – but rather over the whole of creation, visible and invisible.

Once we realize the preeminent reign of Jesus, we must begin to rethink what it means to live before King Jesus as his subject. After all, kingship is not a mere concept that is only of interest in a theological classroom. Kingship ought to shape the lived experience of Christians day-in, day-out. To have faith in Jesus is, to a large extent, to trust in his rule. There is no such thing as a ‘private’ Christian. We either honour our king in public by living in allegiance to his authority, or we dishonour his name by embodying a counterfeit existence. There is no middle ground.

In case some of this sounds detached from normal life, let’s move from theory to practice. Here are five concrete ways that we can honour Jesus as king in our daily lives.

1 – Acknowledge the ‘Weight’ of Jesus’ Majesty

We have all experienced the shift of attention that happens when someone famous or important steps into a room. The centre of gravity shifts due to the social weight of such a person.

Something similar ought to happen each day as we acknowledge the enthroned status of Jesus. Politicians, supervisors, and celebrities ought to lose some of the felt-power that we attach to them as we remind ourselves of the incomparable majesty of the Son of God. To know Jesus is to have a new star shift the orbit of our lives. Henceforth, whatever we do, we do ultimately for one reason: to honour His name.

2 – Submit to His Authority

It’s hard to imagine telling an emperor, ‘No!’, especially if all of his commands are good and life-giving. And, yet, this is what we often do before King Jesus. Whereas the angels instantly heed to slightest nod of Christ, human beings somehow feel at liberty to debate and disregard the clearest of laws of Jesus. We ought to pause and reconsider just how insolent such behaviour is. Jesus’ commands are not good advice; they are divine commands. We need to treat them as such.

3 – Be Ashamed of Being Ashamed of Jesus in Public

No one is ashamed of being on the side of a conquering king when he walks triumphantly through a defeated city. As disciples of Jesus, we need to realise that our king has already had his decisive victory over evil. Paul says in Colossians, “He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them” (2:15).

Knowing this, we ought to be ashamed of any shame we feel for being identified with Jesus. People may scorn the faith that we have in the gospel; however, we need to frame such temporary slights on a wide canvas. Jesus has promised that he will come again in his glory and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels (Luke 9:26). Will we be ashamed of standing with Christ when we see him in all of his heavenly majesty? Not a chance. If we will rejoice in his glory on that day, we need to boast in the same glory throughout our lives – even in the moments when faith results in ridicule and opposition.

4 – Make Yourself Available to Jesus as His Servant

To have a king is to be a subject. This simple truth ought to radically change how we approach each day. There is something egregiously arrogant about beginning a day with the question, “What do I want to do?” Anyone who acknowledges his first allegiance to the Son of God must begin the day with an altogether different question: “How can I serve you today?”

5 – Live with the Confidence of a Sister or Brother of the King 

Jesus is the unique king who gave himself in sacrificial love for his people. Through his invitation, we have not just become citizens of his kingdom; we have become siblings in his family. This knowledge can give us great confidence as we approach the heavenly king. One of the great privileges of being an adopted sibling of Jesus is that the Throne of Glory is for us a Throne of Grace. What a joy to know that we do not need to hide our weakness from our king. His power is not against us, but for us. He is the unique sovereign lord who looks to the humble and says, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.”

How to Be Free From a Lingering Sense of Guilt and Shame

What should you do at the end of the day when you feel an acute sense of the guilt and shame of recent sin? Each day we go into the world like young school children in a fresh set of clothing. Yet, by the time the day finishes, what was once white and clean is tarnished by the scrapes, spills, and stumbles of a messy day. Although it is true that the sin of a believer is washed away once-and-for-all through a single act of salvation, there is another sense in which we must bathe our consciences regularly in order to maintain a sense of freedom and intimacy before God. How does a person do this? What is the process that we need to go through in order to be freed from a reoccurring sense of the shame and guilt of sin?

An older generation of Christians used to talk about having a daily ‘reckoning  with God’. What they meant by the term was a kind of spiritual bath at the end of the day through which the smear of recent sins was rubbed off and the freshness of communion with God restored. For those unaccustomed to this practice, here is some guidance on how to end your day feeling a renewed sense of freedom from sin.

Step 1: Weigh the Guilt of Unconfessed Sin  

A lot of modern Christians struggle to appreciate the evil of sin. We look around at the state of the culture around us and weigh our sins against the measure of the actions of our neighbours. Using this standard, we begin to feel as if our sin is not too big of a deal. Yes, we might lose our temper or feel a touch of envy, but we are not getting drunk on Saturday night or flirting with a co-worker. If we are honest, our sin often feels like a light and trivial matter.

The purpose of weighing the guilt of unconfessed sin is to overcome such naivety. Regarding this practice, the great Puritan, John Owen, says,

Sense of pardon takes away the horror and fear, but not a due sense of the guilt of sin. It is the daily exercise of the saints of God to consider the great evil that is in sin…They set sin before them, not to terrify and affright their souls with it, but that a due sense of evil of it may be kept alive upon their hearts.

Owen here is reminding us that there can be no sincere repentance without godly sorrow. If we want freedom from sin, we need first to recognise the evil that all sin is – no matter how ‘big’ or ‘small’ it might feel.  

Step 2: Silence the Accusations of the Evil One

Satan is the arch accuser. He will do anything to keep us from walking in the freedom of knowing that sin is forgiven and shame overcome. Thus, anytime we are confessing sin before God, we need to be on guard against a whispering voice that would try to convince us that there is lingering condemnation for the children of God, or that the Father is still deciding whether or not He loves us, or that our standing before God is in some way determined by a recipe of Christ + obedience = salvation.

If anyone is feeling assaulted by the fiery darts of the Evil One, there is no better refuge than to sit down and read Romans 8. The chapter begins with a declaration of ‘no more condemnation’ and ends with a finale of rhetorical questions reiterating the triumphant point that God’s love is inseverable.

Step 3: Listen to the Voice of Jesus

Jesus’ voice has a way of cutting through time and space. His words in Matthew 11 are an invitation to any feeble heart that is burdened by sin. When struggling under the weight of guilt, or feeling defiled by the shame of sin, we need to still our hearts and heed the invitation of Christ: ‘Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.’

In saying this, Jesus is reminding us that he has made an agreement with his Father to carry away the burden of our sins. In effect, Jesus is saying, ‘Hand me your sins – all of them. You are too weak to shoulder their load. I know what to do with them. Give them to me, and I will carry them away so that you will never have to look at them again.’ Who could resist such an invitation?

Step 4: Lay Down Your Sins at the Cross

There is a ritual in Leviticus whereby a penitent sinner places his hand on the head of an animal that is being presented as an offering to atone for sin. We need to keep this image in mind as we confess our sins before God. If we want to experience the freedom of knowing that our sin has been buried – never to be dug up again – then spiritually we need to go through the act of laying our hand on the person of Jesus and recognizing that his death is the atonement for each and every particular sin.

Isaac Watts captures this very act in a wonderful hymn on the priestly ministry of Jesus. He says,

My faith would lay her hand
on that dear head of thine,
while like a penitent I stand,
and there confess my sin.

My soul looks back to see
the burdens thou didst bear,
when hanging on the cursed tree,
and knows her guilt was there.

Step 5: Receive the Righteousness of Christ

Confession by itself is insufficient to maintain close communion with God. If we want to walk in the freedom of grace, we need to move through confession to the place of standing confidently on the ground of the finished work of the cross. We reach this condition by embracing the full message of the gospel, which is not just that we have been forgiven, but that we have been justified – that Jesus has placed his own robe of perfect righteousness on our shoulders.

It is only after we have taken off the soiled garments of sin and put on the spotless robe of Christ that we can rest in God’s embrace and enjoy the peace of knowing that our sin is as far from our persons as the east is from the west.

The Benefits of Mentorship

We don’t realize the extent to which we are shaped by historical influences. Somewhere around two hundred years ago the stereotype of a hero radically shifted. Gone were the days of viewing the hero as embedded in the tribe, as depended upon a traditional code of behavior, and as looking to external guidance for help in completing a quest. A new model was introduced: one of the lone individual relying upon internal strength in order to complete the task before him. Most action films are built on this model. James Bond doesn’t need any friends. His innate wisdom and instincts are enough to make sure that mission impossible is mission accomplished.

As Christians, we need to appreciate the extent to which pop culture influences our lives. While our moral compasses may be more fine-tuned than that of Mr. Bond, our attitudes toward life are often dangerously similar to that of 007. Too many of us think that we can get through life just fine on our own. We may indeed attend prayer meetings and small groups with clocklike regularity. Nonetheless, a lot of us have mastered the art of editing out all self-disclosure from prayer requests. Our poker-faces are impenetrable.

Such an I-can-cope-on-my-own attitude is a grave spiritual liability. The truth is that each one of us needs other people in our lives who can help us in the dangerous journey of life. Tolkien knew what he was doing in The Lord of the Rings. The true model for living a heroic life is not a him, but a them. We all need be in a fellowship of diverse gifting if we are going to overcome the challenges and obstacles that are the inevitable path of Christian discipleship. 

Now, in order to escape the individualist mindset, one type of relationship we ought to pursue in life is that of mentorship. Mentorship is a unique type of friendship that is based on wisdom rather than pleasure or affection. Whereas most friendships are based on a kind of symmetry of status, mentorship is intentionally asymmetrical. A mentor is not like a mentee. There is an important gap of experience and wisdom which makes the one a suitable guide and counsellor for the other. If the one is a wise and seasoned Paul, the other is a youthful and uncertain Timothy.

There are several benefits that come to both a mentor and a mentee in such a relationship. On the side of the mentee, three benefits, in particular, stand out.

One is the opportunity to avoid unnecessary pain. The fact is that a lot of stumbling blocks in life can be avoided if we just take some time to talk to people who have travelled more extensively in life than we have. No small part of sharing wisdom is being honest about past foolishness. To hear the testimony of a prodigal son is a good way to avoid the detour of eating in a pigsty.

Another benefit on the side of the mentee is the exposure of confirmation bias. This bias is the innate human tendency to look for confirmation of what we have already decided is good or true. It’s important to know that a good mentor is not present to affirm so much as to advise. The whole point of the relationship is to distil wisdom, not to recycle opinion. Mentors are there to help filter foolishness out of the decision-making process.

A third benefit for mentees is the ability an adept mentor has in drawing forth deep counsels of the heart. Proverbs tell us that the springs of life flow from the human heart (c.f. 4:23). Now, extracting these subterranean waters is no easy task. Often, it takes a skilled friend who is proficient at asking questions to bring forth thoughts and desires that an individual could not tap into by themselves. 

Yet, it’s important to note that the benefits of mentorship are not one-sided. If the relationship is healthy, the mentor can be just as blessed through the friendship as the mentee.

How is this? Here are two points to consider. First, mentorship is a way of redeeming past mistakes. Rather than be frustrated by choices that cannot be undone, mentorship allows a person to use their experience – the triumphs and the tragedies – in order to help another person who is at an earlier stage of life. By becoming a companion in the unfolding journey of another, a mentor is able to glean life-lessons and use them to help encourage a needy soul.

In this way, mentorship is an act of love. Just as love might lead a wealthy person to give money to the poor, love equally prompts a mature person to share wisdom with someone else who is struggling to find a path through life.

Finally, with mentorship, there is the joy of intergenerational friendship. In life, it’s easy to get stuck in a silo of contemporaries. The young keep to the young, and the old, to the old. It shouldn’t be this way. There is a special joy that comes from the mixing of generations. Such mixing reminds us that age is less significant than we often think. Although we each start the journey of life at a different time, the final destination of all Christians is the same. We are all headed to the banquet of the Lamb. Mentorship is good way to remind ourselves that we are on one great pilgrimage together.

Three Ways to Maintain a Peaceful Heart

The Bible is filled with promises of peace for those who trust in the Lord. The Psalmist says, ‘In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety’ (4:8). Jesus says, ‘Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you’ (Jn. 14:27). Paul refers to a ‘peace that surpasses understanding’, which comes upon a believing heart through prayer (c.f. Phil. 4:6-7). From beginning to end, the Bible mentions peace as one of choice blessings that the LORD reserves for his people.

Yet, any honest Christian will admit that each day presents new worries that threaten to disrupt the repose of a heart resting in the love of God. This situation is not new. The Psalms, in particular, are filled with candid statements about just how difficult it can be to find peace in the midst of suffering, persecution, and spiritual anxiety. In view of such daily struggles, as Christians we need to know how to exercise our souls in the disciplines that quiet anguish and sooth mental and spiritual pain.

Here are three spiritual exercises that are a strong defence against emotional turmoil.

1 – Meditate on the Everlasting Rock

Isaiah 26:4 says, ‘Trust in the LORD forever; for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock’. We don’t think often enough about how strange it is that God is willing to describe himself as a rock. Rocks have no intelligence; they cannot love. In many ways, rocks seem altogether unfit to serve as a metaphor for anything divine. Yet, there is one thing that rocks can do, which is a beautiful lens through which to understand God. Rocks are exceptional at supporting weight. When standing atop a large boulder, rare is the person who fears that the ground will collapse under his feet. We have an intuitive sense that rocks are load-bearing.

And so it is with God to a superlative degree. God is not just ‘a rock’; He is ‘an everlasting rock’. He is the unique ground that will never crumble under the weight of a trusting heart. The more we meditate on this truth, the less vulnerable we will feel.  

2 – Preach the Gospel to Yourself

There is an old spiritual discipline that has largely been forgotten. The Puritans used to counsel that, in times of spiritual anguish, a person should imitate the most powerful preacher that he had heard in applying the gospel to himself. The idea was that, rather than be a sitting duck for the fiery darts of the devil, we should take up a more aggressive posture. We should do for ourselves what the Psalmist often does by interrogating his own soul. For example, in Psalm 42 we read, ‘Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God’.

Of note is the way in which the Psalmist does two things. First, he does not passively accept his emotions. He questions the validity and basis of his sorrow. Second, he tells himself to trust in the Lord. Rather than accepting a condition of tenuous faith, he grabs himself by the scruff of the neck and points his doubting feelings back in the direction of God’s promises. 

This practice is something we should put to use in times of sorrow, despair, or worry.

3 – Make a List and Cast Your Cares upon the Lord

Negative feelings flourish in obscurity. Often, we feel anxiety, depression, or dread without knowing what precisely is feeding the moods. One helpful exercise to combat such overcast feelings is to pause for a few minutes and take inventory of the heart. This is a two-step process.

Step one is to take out a piece of paper and to write out in a column all of the contributing factors of our underlying feelings. The goal is to make a list as comprehensive as possible of all of the things that are disrupting the heart. In truth, the end result can be a bit overwhelming. To pull out all of the troubles of the heart can be like emptying a junk drawer. It’s not unusual to be shocked by the sight of just how much worry has been crammed into the heart.

Yet, step two is where shock gives way to faith. The next action is to pray through the list item-by-item. In doing this, there are multiple benefits. I Peter 5:7 says, ‘Cast all your anxieties upon him, because he cares for you’.  By lifting our worries before God we are actively reminding ourselves that he does indeed love us and care for us. He is the Father who knows the exact number of hairs on our head.

A further benefit is revealed by Phil. 4:6-7. These verses indicate that peace is a dew that falls on prayerful hearts. It is only as we speak to God about our struggles that a special blessing descends from heaven – a renewed sense that Jesus is saying to a troubled soul, ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest’.

Three Lies that Keep us From Enjoying the Love of the Father

One of the great privileges of the Christian life is delighting in the love of our heavenly Father. Each day as we look up to the light of the sun we ought to be reminded of the warmth and brightness of the Father’s love, which shines down on us in and through the Lord Jesus Christ. John Owen, the great Puritan spiritual writer, once wrote a book called Communion with God. In it he dares the reader to spend a few minutes meditating on the Father’s love. Owen says,

Put, then, this to the test: exercise your thoughts upon this very thing – the eternal, free, and fruitful love of the Father, and see if your hearts be not changed to delight in him. I dare boldly say, believers will find it as thriving a course as ever they pitched on in their lives. Sit down a little at the fountain, and you will quickly have a farther discovery of the sweetness of the streams. You who have run from the Father, will not be able, after a while, to keep at a distance for a moment.

Owen is advising that, if we will just sit down and cast our minds on the heart of the Father, the thought of His love will result in a cascading flood of worship and devotion. We will soon find such joy in the company of the Father that, like a child racing to greet his dad when he comes home from work, we will not be able to keep from his side.

Yet, if this is true, it raises a question. If the Father’s love is so sweet, refreshing, and enthralling, why do a lot of believers struggle to delight in this love? Why does it often feel as if there is something like a cloud impeding the warmth of the Father’s love from reaching us? The answer to this question is the age old problem of the devil and his lies. There are three lies, in particular, that the devil uses to insulate us from the comfort of the Father’s embrace.

Lie 1 – The Love of the Father Is Purchased

John 4:10 says, ‘In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins’. One of the devil’s favourite tactics is to reverse the order of this statement. Rather than God’s love being primary, and our love being a response to His love, the devil wants us to believe that the opposite is the case. Satan’s revision of John 4:10 is this: ‘In this is love, not that God loved us, but that we first loved Him’.

The danger of this logic is that we begin to think that God’s love is dependent upon our love. If we falter in our feelings toward God, the relationship between us and Him crumbles. Thus, when we adopt this mindset, we lose our ground of confidence before God. Instead of knowing the security of being an adopted child, we feel the anxiety of an employee facing a daily performance review.  

Our best protection against this lie is to meditate on Scriptures that speak of the freeness of the Father’s love. One of my favourite passages is Isaiah 55:1-2:

                Ho! Everyone who thirsts,
                Come to the waters’     
                And you who have no money,
                Come, buy and eat.
                Yes, come, but wine and milk
                Without money and without price.

Such is the love of the Father. The gifts of His love are not purchased, but freely available to anyone who is willing to draw near to His embrace.

Lie 2 – The Love of the Father Is Finite

Some resources are scarce. If you are in a lifeboat with only one bottle of water, you will be exceedingly careful to watch the water lest you run out. Other resources are abundant. No one reprimands a child for drawing a bucket of water out of the sea. A child can fill a bucket as many times as she likes with no worry that the volume of the sea will be diminished.

A common tactic of Satan is to convince us that the Father’s love is a finite resource. The devil wants us to believe that each of us is only allotted a small portion of divine favour. Once the supply is spent, there is no way of refilling it. Once again, Satan loves to subvert the order of Scripture. Whereas the Psalmist says, ‘His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life’, the devil wants us to believe the opposite. He wants us to think that love is fragile and fleeting and that anger is firm and enduring.

As always, the Scriptures are our best protection from such lies. If anyone is beginning to imagine that the love of the Father is a scarce resource, he needs to sit and ponder Psalm 36:5. The Psalmist says, ‘Your mercy, O LORD, is in the heavens; Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds’. Here is a picture of love so vast that not even the heavens can contain it. To try to fit the love of God into the universe is like trying to fit the ocean into a thimble. Few things are worthy of being called infinite. God’s love is one of them.  

Lie 3 – The Love of the Father Is Changeable

People in Scotland often talk about there being four seasons in one day. The idea is that the weather in Scotland is so changeable that you can experience a touch of summer, autumn, winter, and spring, all in a few hours. One could equally say of the human heart that there are often four seasons in one day. The heart is fickle and changes on a whim. We can quickly – and often unpredictably – shift from love to anger, from irritation to laughter, or from joy to sadness.

It’s important to know that God’s love is not like ours. The living God is not like a pagan deity whose mood changes based on the performance of subjects. The love of God is eternal and unchanging. God can no more stop loving His children than the sun can stop shining. It’s simply not in the nature of God to love one minute and desist the next.

My encouragement for those struggling to accept this truth is to meditate on Ephesians 1:3-6. The eye of Father saw us and loved us before the foundation of the world. He loved us even though He knew we would rebel against Him. He loved us so much that He sent the Son to be a sacrifice for us. This is not a finite love. This is not a purchased love. This is not a changeable love. It is a love more durable than the laws of physics. It’s a love whose dimensions can only be measured in the shape of a cross.

For a deeper look at this topic watch Hymn Workout 9: The Love of God

Help For Men Who Struggle to Make Much of the Incarnation

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‘Christ took our flesh in order that he might make our human nature lovely to God and the divine nature appear lovely to man’ (Thomas Watson).

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A lot of Christians struggle to meditate on the incarnation. We like singing Christmas carols that speak of the birth of the Savior. We love the sights, smells, and sounds of the holly and the ivy. Yet, if you stuck one of us in a room for 15 minutes with the assignment ‘Meditate on the Incarnation’, a lot of us would draw a blank. There would be a couple of thoughts about the marvel of God coming in the form of man. Yet, it wouldn’t take long for our thoughts to lose traction with theological truth. We’d quickly find ourselves spinning our mental wheels – vaguely staring at an idea without being able to grasp much in terms of personal relevance.

If you can identify with these feelings, here are two theological ideas that can help you meditate on the incarnation over the advent season.

1 – Christ Took Flesh to Make Our Nature Lovely to God

There is a deep and mysterious communion between God and man, which is revealed in the Scriptures. God is the source of all light, love, and life. He is eternally sufficient in and of Himself. And yet, for reasons we do not completely understand, he created mankind to be His image-bearer. This term is rich in meaning and depth. To be an image-bearer means that, on the one hand, we were created as a kind of mirror to reflect the character and nobility of God. On the other, we were made for God himself, in the sense of having the capacity and the purpose of relating to God in love and obedience.

The tragedy of sin is that our good and beautiful nature was turned into a source of evil and injustice. When God looks at humanity outside of Christ, instead of seeing his divine glory reflected as in a glass, he sees his perfections trampled under the pounding feet of greed, envy, lust, and pride. Human beings have become the gargoyles of creation, depraved distortions of the design we were intended to exhibit. And this is not just true of the worst of us, but of the best of us.

One of the wonders of the incarnation is that Jesus came to restore the loveliness of the human race. Uniquely, he lived a life of complete virtue, obedience, and justice. From birth to death, the Father was able to sing his praises: ‘This is my beloved Son in whom I am well-pleased’. There was not a smidge of dirt on the character of Christ or a speck of guilt. His righteousness was not like the light of the moon which waxes, wanes, and is always changing, but like that of the sun, which shines in perfect brilliance day after day.

Now we might think that this truth simply highlights the unique status of Jesus, something that stands detached from the needs of ordinary people. But this is not the case. The work of the incarnation is not complete until each and every adopted child of God is perfectly refashioned into the image of the Maker. Jesus did not live a perfect life simply so that he could enjoy communion with the Father. He lived a perfect life so that you and I could be restored in communion with the same Father. His work is not finished until he has resurrected the beauty of our nature from the ashes of our sin.

2 – Christ Took Flesh to Make God’s Nature Lovely to Us

There are few modern Christians who appreciate the terror of a raw encounter with holiness. To stand naked in sin before the naked justice of God is like being on a mountain cliff during an earthquake. If God’s holiness is such that even sinless seraphim must cover their eyes in his presence, we can barely imagine the pain of guilt, defilement, and ugliness that a sinner would experience thrust into the presence of heavenly radiance. If the greatest of nations is but a drop in the bucket before God, we must look to maggots and earthworms to picture the way we would feel in the unfiltered light of God.

Yet the marvel of the incarnation is that, rather than overwhelm us with the blistering heat of glory, God chose in Christ to woo us in the form of a bridegroom. He did not come to us as he did at Sinai with thunder and lighting. He came gentle and lowly, a man of sorrow acquainted with grief. Such is the wonder of the incarnation. In one great act, God restores the loveliness of man before God while also restoring the loveliness of God to man. Oh the mystery!

Till God in human flesh I see,
My thoughts no comfort find;
The holy, just, and sacred Three
Are terrors of my mind.

But if Immanuel’s face appear,
My hope, my joy begins;
His name forbids my slavish fear,
His grace removes my sin

Set a Daily Meeting with God

You rarely miss a meeting. This is especially true if it's a meeting with someone important - a boss, a line-manager, an important new acquaintance. If there is a scheduled appointment on the calendar you almost always show up. However, you miss prayer time with God all of the time. You just decide not to show up and feel no guilt about skipping. Other stuff comes up.
You're not alone - most Christian men have the same bad habit. How is it that we can be so faithful to show up at meetings and so faithless to show up at prayer?

Guys need to set a daily meeting with God.

To be more committed to prayer, we need to stop thinking of prayer as a leisurely activity and start thinking about it more like a meeting that we can't afford to miss. In this podcast episode Joe and Evan help you remove the barriers that are getting in the way of of the prayer routine you wish you had. Listen, download our Meeting With God template, and kickstart this new habit for spiritual growth.

How to Grow in Bodily Discipline

We tend to exclude the body from discipleship. How often do you hear sermons about self-control or discipline? Why is this? Some guys scoff at bodily discipline because they confuse effort with legalism. Other guys ignore bodily discipline because they don't want to take responsibility for their lack of self-control. The truth is bodily discipline is a vital part of a healthy Christian lifestyle.

You can't separate the body from discipleship.

Growing in bodily discipline is fundamental to training in spiritual fitness. In this podcast episode Joe and Evan give Christian men a Biblical framework for bodily discipline. Listen and catch a vision of bodily discipline as a means of freedom, not repression.

Four Ways to Maximize the Benefits of Sunday Worship

There’s an old hymn that says, ‘Sometimes a light surprises a Christian while he sings’. The word ‘sometimes’ needs to be highlighted. The hymn-writer is being brutally honest in using the word. The truth is that, more often than not, church services are a ho-hum experience. Sermons are not infrequently uninspiring. The music is never to everyone’s taste. The public prayers are longwinded, abstract, and difficult to follow. Thus it is truly a ‘surprise’ when a jolt of joy rocks the heart on a Sunday morning. Such experiences are special and occasional gifts of the Holy Spirit. We ought to rejoice when worship thrills the heart, but we cannot expect every Sunday to be a Mount Tabor experience.

Yet, if we cannot manufacture joy, there are ways of being more engaged with a worship service. Too many people step into a church building on Sunday thinking that their role in what is about to happen is little more than that of a spectator. They are the audience, the pastor is the performer. When we adopt this mindset, we set ourselves up for distraction and boredom. A better approach to gathered worship is to view ourselves as having a critical role in a drama about to unfold. The more we view ourselves as a participant in an interactive event – one that involves human beings, angels, and most importantly, God – the more immersive and interpersonal our act of worship will be.

But what does this look like in practice? Here are four tips for making the most of a Sunday morning worship service.

1 – Don’t Sit on the Back Row

As a child, I always tried to get a desk at the back of a classroom. My motive was not admirable. I was more interested in doodling than taking notes.

We all know from experience that paying attention increases in difficulty the further we sit from a speaker. Some of us would benefit from making use of this wisdom. Do you struggle with distraction during worship? If so, take a seat nearer the front of the congregation. There is a helpful pressure to pay attention when you feel as if the teacher – or pastor – can see you.

2 – Sing As If the Angels Are Listening  

We often think that our enjoyment of praise is totally dependent upon the music. If we like the tune of a song, our soul ignites in worship; if the music is not to taste, the flame never catches.

Yet, if we are honest, there is another reason why praise often feels flat. A lot of us hold back from singing. We murmur the words under our breath because we are afraid lest someone should hear the squeaking of our voices.

Now if we want praise to be enthralling, we need to take a different approach. Rather than muzzling our voices, we need to lift them up so that – not just the angels – but the Lord Jesus can hear us singing. We all need to know the following principle of corporate worship: The more liberated the tongue is to sing loudly to Jesus, the more liberated the heart will be to experience the joy of communion with God.

3 – Imagine the Throne of Grace during Public Prayer

Let’s be honest: it’s difficult – really difficult – to follow a public prayer. Most of us lose concentration at the first word of such a prayer. As soon as the pastor says, ‘Let’s bow our heads to pray’, the mind is off like a hound chasing a rabbit in the bushes.

How can we avoid this? Here is a tip: At the start of a public prayer, pause for a moment and reflect on the marvel of what is about to happen. For the next few minutes, 100 or more hearts are going to be knitted together in a spirit of devotion and petition before the Throne of Grace. As you shut your eyes and clasp your hands, picture the veil between the congregation and the glorious throne of God being removed.

Awareness of divine glory changes the entire atmosphere of public prayer. Instead of feeling as if you are listening to a soliloquy, you will feel as if you are sitting at the feet of a heavenly Father.

4 – Bring a Bible and Keep It Open during the Sermon

If you take a tour at a museum, the tour guide will say a lot of interesting things about various artifacts of history and of art. Yet, imagine how strange it would be to listen to all of the commentary without ever looking at the objects that are being described. Strangely, this is the approach of a lot of Christians on Sunday mornings. They spend the entire sermon looking up at the preacher without ever looking down at their Bibles. This mindset is flawed. The purpose of the sermon is not ultimately to listen to the commentary of man, but to understand and appreciate the Word of God. In light of this, the best way to listen to a sermon is with an open Bible and an active mind. Mentally, be asking questions while the preacher is preaching: ‘Why are you telling me this?’ ‘Where is this found in the text?’ ‘What are the implications of this truth for my life?’ The more actively we listen, the more engaged we will be.

Reading is Worth the Hard Work

Every guy has a stack of books he's been given, but never read. Some guys say they don't have the time to read. A lot of guys say they don't like reading. Should Christian men feel guilty for not being readers?

Reading is essential for men who want to train in spiritual fitness.

In a recent podcast episode, Joe and Evan helped busy and tired guys find out how they can make reading a regular habit. They outlined 5 reasons why reading is worth the hard work:

1. Christians are people of the Book

2. Most great leaders - spiritual or secular - are readers

3. You need to read in order to develop a perspective on the world

4. The warning of CS Lewis on 'inhabiting a tiny world'

5. The mind is one of greatest gifts from God - worth cultivating the ability to think critically

Listen to the podcast to learn more.

How to End Up With Great Friends

Every guy wants to have great friends. We love movies about wars where soldiers are surrounded by comrades, or movies about sporting events where athletes are huddled with teammates. There are few things in life more appealing than having a band of brothers. Yet, the sad truth is that a lot of us are not on a pathway to great friendship. Instead of deepening relationships we feel a deepening sense of loneliness. How can we change this? 

The Key to Friendship Is Becoming a Great Friend 

The wrong way to pursue friendship is making a list of ideal traits and then looking for a set of people who match the description. There are no perfect people, and if make it our aim to order friends like we order steaks at a restaurant, we shouldn’t be surprised if we go hungry. 

There is a better way. Instead of looking for an ideal friend, a much more effective path is seeking to grow in the virtues of friendship. The following is a basic rule in life: people who excel at friendship end up having great friends. If we cultivate the character traits that promote deep and lasting relationships, we won’t need to fret about growing relationship. They will be taking root and budding whether we realize it or not.  

Seven Virtues of Gospel Friendship

1 – Recognition 

Friendship begins with how you view people. Too many men filter guys as assets or liabilities. We either judge people as worth our time because they advance our objectives in life or as barriers to self-development. 

If we want lasting relationships, the first step is changing how we view people. One of the surprising things about Jesus is the way that he acknowledged the worth and dignity of people regardless of their problems or needs. We need to develop the same capacity. Rather than reducing others to the worst trait of their personality, we instead need to see them for what in fact they are – image-bearers and sons of God. 

2 – Presence 

It’s so easy in the modern world to be physically present without being mentally and emotionally present. A sure way to be a terrible friend is to check your phone mid conversation. Although such actions might be common, they are insulting – a digital slap in the face. 

Now the opposite of distraction is attention. We ought to cultivate this ability. One of Jesus’ most precious names is Immanuel, God-with-us. Such was the love of the Son of God that he took flesh and make himself present to us. Men need to follow this example. We need to do whatever it takes in order to be present and available to the people we care about. 

3 – Openness to the Unbidden

Too many men try to keep relationships in a controlled environment. We want to be masters of our time and schedule. Genuine relationships can’t grow in the soil of hyper-productivity. If we want spiritual friends, we need to realize that close relationships are adventures. They take us places we would never expect and often lead us into circumstances that we would never choose. Such is the ‘unbidden’ aspect of friendship. Embracing the life of another person often involves service and suffering. Yet, we shouldn’t shirk from these possibilities. The war movies we love best are those that remind us that camaraderie is a byproduct of sharing a foxhole. 

4 – Dependence 

The typical guy walks around the world believing that he is a superhero. Most of us think that we have what it takes to get through life on our own. Such thinking is laughable. The truth is that all of us are disabled. Each of us has limited ability and needs the help of other people. Accepting such dependence – and being unashamed of it – is a crucial condition of gospel friendship.

5 – Mutual Sharing 

Friendship is all about mutuality. To visit a friends is not like visiting a therapist. For the relationship to grow, both men need to take turns talking. 

Now the need for such sharing ought to challenge two types of men. There is one guy who too readily turns conversation into monologue. Such men need to practice the spiritual discipline of ‘withholding one’s tongue’ (see Bonhoeffer’s classic, Life Together). There is another guy who is happy to listen, but who never shares anything himself. Such men need to muster the courage to open their mouths and take a turn talking. 

Without mutuality, friendship is stunted. 

6 – Progressive Self-Disclosure 

Intimacy is a scary word. It shouldn’t be. The longer we walk with a person, the better we ought to know him. Such was the disciples’ experience of Jesus. Before his death, Jesus was able to say to the twelve, ‘I have called you my friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you’ (John 15). We need to pause and consider the significance of this statement. The most intimate details of Jesus’ life – His walk with the Father – was something he communicated to his close friends. We need to follow this example. 

7 – Pilgrim Solidarity 

Christian friends are on a journey together that ultimately leads to the Throne of God. That’s our final destination – to be spotless and blameless before the glorious presence of the Holy One. Once we recognize this common destination, the tenor and shape of friendship changes. Friendship isn’t just about making memories or having fun. It’s about holiness and communion with God. This means that growing as a gospel friend is finally about helping other people put on the new identity that they have in Christ. Anything less would fall short of Christian love.

The Most Dangerous Object You Own

What's the most dangerous object you own? A knife? A gun? A chainsaw? It's your phone. What is the most likely thing to distract you from God? To keep you from paying attention to your wife and kids? Of luring you into porn? Of making you superficial and unable to focus your mind? It's your phone.

We all carry a dangerous item in our pocket, and none of us feels the danger.

Men who are training in spiritual fitness cannot ignore the downward pull of their phone. You can choose to be different. You can be a Digital Jedi - training to use your phone for good. How? Start by adopting new rules for your phone use.

5 Rules for Becoming a Jedi with your phone:

• Rule 1: Figure out what a phone is good for and limit it's use accordingly

• Rule 2: When possible, get your phone off of your body

• Rule 3: Don't start and end your day with your phone

• Rule 4: Limit texting to the most basic communication needs

• Rule 5: Be a digital minimalist - make this part of your identity

Redeem the Morning

There is no other time of day like morning in terms of freshness of mind, availability before God, and stepping out into the day on the right foot. It's nearly impossible to recover after having missed the first part of the day.

Don't miss your opportunity to start your day with God.

Redeeming the morning is one mark of being spiritually fit. You might have a morning routine that is making you more productive, but what you really need is a morning routine that makes you more holy. This week on the Cross Training Ministries podcast Joe and Evan encourage guys to devote the morning to God and answer common questions about a healthy morning routine:

• Everyone talks about a quiet time with God: what is a quiet time?

• How early should I get up? How much time should I set aside in the morning?

• What do I do if I have small kids that get up early?

• Is it possible to get up too early?

• Are there other elements besides a quiet time that should be a part of my morning routine?