Let me encourage every young man to pick up an acorn and stare at it. Every seed is a miracle in a nutshell. Something that looks no more impressive than a pebble has the potential to become a giant tree. Take an acorn and hold it beside a mature oak. Strip away everything you know about the world and be amazed. Who would have thought that this could become a towering pillar with majestic arms sheltering the earth!
The point to glean is this: each boy is the seed of a man. Not enough men, young or old, stop to think about this. Modern culture tells us that boyhood is an end in itself. Life in its ideal state is extending the freedom, impulsiveness, and non-responsibility of childhood as long as possible. To have the license to act like a boy in the body of a man is the masculine dream – at least that is what we are told. In truth, this attitude is a reversal of the pattern of the Apostle Paul. Whereas Paul says, “When I became a man, I gave up childish ways”, the script of pop culture is the opposite: “Flee adulthood so that you can be a child forever.”
Now, let your mind go back to the acorn. How ridiculous would it be for a seed to refuse to grow into a tree! Which is greater, the acorn or the oak? Young men need to realise that the same logic holds for boyhood and manhood. Masculinity is not just a gift; it’s a calling. The great task of each boy is to grow from something small and insignificant into something great and influential. This truth ought to stir the heart of a boy each time he catches his reflection in a mirror. As many have said, the boy is the father of the man. Hidden in the husk of an unshaven face is the possibility of noble strength and manly virtue.
But this begs a question. We all know what a grown tree is meant to look like. It’s clear enough in our minds that we can sketch the shape of one on a notepad. The same is not true of manhood. In fact, dare I say that the problem is not just that boys don’t know what mature masculinity looks like, men themselves are uncertain. On the one side, true masculinity is often mistaken for any number of cultural adaptations. To be a man in various settings equates with physical strength, or managerial skills, or hobbies like hunting and fishing, or the ability to fix engines and frame walls. In truth, such things are no more basic to the form of manhood than are birds’ nests to the form of a tree. True manhood is something deeper.
On the other side, the last sixty years have been a prolonged effort to convince men that there is nothing distinctive about their existence. Countless voices have united to tell men that there is no more a single form of masculinity than there is a single form of a cloud. Thus, a lot of men now feel that to ask the question, “What is a man?” is, at best, to chase a red herring and, at worst, to commit a sin.
Men young and old need to see that both sides are ditches to be avoided. The truth is that there is a genuine form of manhood just as there is a genuine form of an oak tree. If you know where to look, the silhouette of authentic masculinity is traced in the Bible. Most importantly, it is defined by four roles.
First, a young man is a future husband. I realise this may sound strange. A lot of contemporary men do not feel any urgency to think about marriage until well into their 20s, even 30s. Yet, this is the symptom of a pernicious culture. Part of the gift of masculinity is the gift of sexuality. At age 12 or 13, the body of a boy begins to change as he goes through puberty. This is not a mere fact of biology; it’s part of a spiritual design. At the outset of the Bible we are told, “A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”. This important verse tells us that human sexuality is oriented to marriage. Boys need to realise that God has given them sexual desires, not to gratify on a whim, nor to supress as evil, but rather to preserve and one day fulfil in the context of committed love. The growth of whiskers, the deepening of a voice, and the broadening of shoulders are all sign posts of a latent calling. A boy will not be a boy forever; one day he will be a husband, and already in the teenage years young men need to be walking a path that is headed toward the future gift of a wife.
Second, a young man is a future father. Too many men see marriage as a means of self-fulfilment. We’ve lost the understanding that marriage, and sex, is largely for the sake of procreation and family. Here our culture has once again deceived us. Young men are taught that family is a kind of garnish to life. Fun, career, experience – these are the main courses to look out for. Having children is something like a desert. It can be added to life, or skipped, depending on appetite.
The Bible has a different life plan for the vast majority of men. It is no exaggeration to say that fatherhood is the fulfilment of manhood. This does not mean that men who do not have children are not true men; it simply means that true men seek responsibility and exhibit the graces and virtues that are characteristic of fathers.
Abraham is emblematic of this. Unlike the men of Egypt, Canaan, or Babylon, his masculinity was not oriented to wealth, building projects, military conquests, hunting, or sexual exploits. His covenant responsibility as a man was to obey God in the context of family. He was to take the things that God had revealed to him and transmit them to the next generation. Manhood aimed at fatherhood – this is God’s blueprint of masculinity.
Third, a young man is a future profession. I realise the language here is awkward. Yet, I use the word deliberately. In the Bible, work is not something that we do simply to make money i.e. a “job”. Neither is it a means of success and achievement i.e. a “career”. Rather, work is part of the dignity of human life. In small ways, we are able to use our skills and gifting to contribute to the common good of society and, in doing so, give glory and honour to God.
I like the word “profession” because it is connected to the idea of professing to be something. Jesus, for example, was a carpenter. Part of the goodness of his life was developing the talents needed to serve God and his fellow human beings in the practices of cutting and fastening wood.
Young boys need to see themselves as growing into such meaningful labour. God didn’t set Adam in a playground and say, “Have fun!”; He put him in a garden and said, “Tend and keep”. Adam did not just have a job to get done; he had a calling to fulfil. Similarly, young men need to see their life as headed to a profession that will take up and use their talents for the sake of something bigger than the self.
Finally, a young man is, potentially, a future elder. Now, this will sound strange to some. A lot of Christians think of the church as nothing more than a social club. Yet, the Bible reveals that Jesus views the church as his bride. There is nothing in creation that he cares more about than the peculiar folk who gather on Sundays for worship.
Men need to grasp the significance of Christ’s love for his people. There is no greater need in the Western world than for more men who have the character and wisdom needed to be spiritual shepherds. Thus, as boys look out to the future, besides hoping to be husbands, and fathers, and labourers, there is something else that should be visible on the horizon. They should aspire to grow into men who are worthy of holding offices within the church. To be a deacon, an elder, or a pastor, is no small position. In the kingdom of God, these roles hold more weight than do the job titles of “general”, “president”, or “CEO”.
What is the calling of manhood? It’s really rather simple. As acorns grow into oaks, boys are meant to grow into husbands, fathers, workers, and – if by God’s grace they are able – shepherds of the church.
